there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
