Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
