I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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