Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
