im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
