I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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