How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
