do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize