It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
