Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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