I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
