I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
