dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
