Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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