I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
