Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
