Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
