at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Panties = found
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
