What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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