This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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