u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
