another moral hangover. fuck.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize