She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
