I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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