Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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