So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
