you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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