I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize
