hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
