Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
