didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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