I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
