yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
