At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
