yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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