I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
