M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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