Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
