Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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