Got a toothbrush?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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