he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
