Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
