I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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