I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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