I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
