remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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