i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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