So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
