I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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