Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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