I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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