Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
