He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
