Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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