Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
