I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
