She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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