meet me or not, i'm out of control
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
