Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So squirting runs in the family.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
