I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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