Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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