Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
