oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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