I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
