my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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