Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
