i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
