"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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