So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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